I will miss you

Something was definitely wrong. I know because it felt weird. I felt sick and nauseated, just as a first timer on a boat-trip. I don't know how it happened, but we were all being transported to the border to fight the enemy - not as techical staff, but as SOLDIERS. Damn !! I don't even know how to hold a gun. Nonetheless, the town was upbeat, people had arranged for a beautiful farewell for their new heroes (me and my engineer friends - can you believe that !!). But as I said, it was all happening in front of my eyes. My heart was thumping against my chest, stating the obvious - "buddy you can't leave like this". I knew, I couldn't . How could I, knowing I might not come back at all. So, as I generally do, I closed my eyes and I saw her. She, whose name I don't generally take in public because her father is a famous man. I respect him and I love his daughter (though I haven't told her). Don't want to embarass any of them. But today is something else. Now or never, do or die. For the record, she is this amazingly beautiful, sweet and charming girl who has a kind word for every one. Her smile inspired the "Happydent" ad. She's such a wonderful person. God !! I love her.

So coming back to where we were (she makes me lose it quite often), all my friends were ready with their luggage and stuff. Their families and (girl)friends were all there to see them off. You might not believe, if you have seen these guys in the college hostel, that each one of them looked so handsome that their mothers and (girl)friends felt even more proud. And I represented the hostel youth. Adding to my sick state, were unruly, unkempt hair, eyes which appeared to have been woken up from drunken stupor and a mind that was just not there. I desperately wanted to see her one last time before I left.

You know, there is a thing with girls. They take forever to conclude that a guy loves them. Why can't she just look into my eyes and see that I love her? Or may be just turn back once and look at me when she's leaving - my eyes literally drop her home. But who am I to say, I don't have the courage to tell her how I feel. Is it because her father is a famous man? Or that she is a good friend and I can't lose her?

The heart thumps again - Do or die buddy. Even a flame flickers before dying out, I say, why not me. Luckily, she comes at the scene. I know she has come to meet me. She wants to say bye-bye. But can I say, "I love you"? She's looking more beautiful than usual today. Conspiracy to eke out those three beautiful words from me. I still can't. You know, we are at the market place and her father is a famous man. Don't want to embarass uncle sam. She gives me a "laughing buddha" and says, "I'll miss you". My heart is punching me now. It can barely contain itself inside the cage. I will cry now, I definitely will. I want to keep looking at her, but these tiny drops of water are blocking my vision. Why lord, why? Why is it happening to me? School teachings come to my mind - "God helps those who help themselves". She looks at me one last time with an expression I don't understand. Is she trying to tell me something? How do I know? My heart is knives and daggers with me and my mind is at primary school - "God helps those ..". She is leaving now. I am immobile. Can't feel my limbs, can't move at all. This continues for, I don't know how long.

Her silhouette is becoming smaller, though I can still se her. Do I call her out loud (her father is a famous man)? Would she turn back? Am I risking it? My heart loses temper. The knife tears my chest. I am drenched in my own blood. "Screw you, screw your questions. I can't live without her", says the heart. I run after her like a mad man, totally possessed. She is still far from her home. I can still make it to her, if I run fast. She approaches the bend and I shout her name (the father factor is out of the window). She looks back confused. At this point of time, she looks more beautiful than ever. I don't know if she can see the tears in my eyes from this distance. I keep one hand on my heart and I tell her - I will miss you too. She flashes her most beautiful and radiant smile and her eyes become moist. And I come to know one important thing - She loves me too.